One of the modeling sites I'm a member of gave me a free subscription to Elle. I leafed through while taking a break from wrapping presents last night, and realized when I put it down I suddenly felt fat and hideous. I'm so self critical and self conscious, this is one reason why I've eschewed anything media-image-oriented in the past few years, going so far as to get rid of my TV, not reading ads, and even avoiding living with mirrors. When photographers send me pics of myself, my first reaction is usually, "Oh god, I look fucking awful!" no matter what.
I need to find a job where I'm not focused on how I look. I have a ton more confidence regarding my mental abilities than my physical appearance.