Wednesday, December 17, 2008

One of the modeling sites I'm a member of gave me a free subscription to Elle. I leafed through while taking a break from wrapping presents last night, and realized when I put it down I suddenly felt fat and hideous. I'm so self critical and self conscious, this is one reason why I've eschewed anything media-image-oriented in the past few years, going so far as to get rid of my TV, not reading ads, and even avoiding living with mirrors. When photographers send me pics of myself, my first reaction is usually, "Oh god, I look fucking awful!" no matter what.

I need to find a job where I'm not focused on how I look. I have a ton more confidence regarding my mental abilities than my physical appearance.

4 comments:

JR Moreau said...

Next time, just say "save shipping costs and just send me the check."

Aside from that, if you can bare to read your writing with a sense of pride and accomplishment, I think that's a good measure of contentment on some level.

There's always room for re-evaluation on the personal-image front. It doesn't always have to be aesthetic.

Jade Sylvan said...

^Tr00f.

Jess said...

I hate the way magazines make me feel. I read a few pages of, like, Cosmo and feel instantly like a freak of nature.

By the way, I intend to read your revised piece soon. Work has just been nuts this week.

Oreste said...

HAPPY NEW YEAR JADE.
A kiss from Rome. Ciao