Monday, December 29, 2008

Because I Like to Reflect

A Year End Survey I stole from Jess D.B.


1. Was this a good year for you?
It started out like a dream, got rockier in the springtime, summer was bipolar, and fall was a bit melancholic.

2. What did you do this year that you'd never done before?
Worked in Marketing. Worked in an office. Joined a gym and started going regularly. Made a normal person amount of money (briefly). Went to Vermont. Went to Myrtle Beach. Got a color tattoo. Visited my brother in Michigan.

3. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do these things.

4. What was your favorite moment of the year?
I'm sure something very small and very private. All my trips to New York were pretty fabulous, too. And all the beaches. And Wolf Parade when they played "I'll Believe in Anything" and so many of my favorite people were next to me.

5. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
1. When my agent said she wouldn't represent my newest novel no matter what I did to it. 2. Coming home to find my apartment robbed and my computer (among other things) stolen. 3. Having my cold sore migrate to my throat and having the Walk In Doctor tell me it was genital herpes (which it wasn't), and being in some of the worst pain I've ever experienced in bed for days with the wrong drugs on narcotic pain killers, then the subsequent eye-infection, all before I had any insurance.

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?
A book published.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Halloween was fun. One of those great epic nights. I was a dead Japanese school girl from Battle Royale.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I finished a draft of a novel and came (I feel) a really long way as a poet.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not getting anything published.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
See 5:3

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All of my friends are wonderful in their own psychotic ways.

12. Did you break up with anyone this year?
No, believe it or not.

13. Did you make any new friends this year?
Tara, Greg, Constantine, Stephanie (Jen? Amanda? I forget when I met them)


14. Did you travel outside of the U.S. this year?
Sadly, no. This does not make me the happiest.

15. How many different states did you travel to this year?
Like 9 or 10.

16. Did you lose anybody close to you this year?
No, all still hanging around.

17. Did you miss anybody in the past year?
I miss my family a lot. And a few other people.

18. What was your favorite movie you saw this year?
Probably I'm Not There. I had the most fun at that one.

19. What was your favorite song?
"Hold On" by Tom Waits, "Slow Show," by the National, "I'll Believe in Anything" by Wolf Parade

20. What was your favorite album?
Probably one of the above.

21. Favorite TV show?
Arrested Development. So I'm slow on the uptake. I haven't had TV in like eight years.

22. What was the best book you read?
Infinite Jest. I was halfway through when DFWRIP hanged himself.

23. How many concerts did you see this year?
Like, a whole, whole lot.

24. What was the funniest moment of this year?
The hardest I laughed was probably when I was puking into a clear plastic bag on a sparsely peopled subway car at 2am in NYC next to a college kid I'd spoken to before like once who just got a fifty dollar ticket for having his feet up on the seats. It was that Kafkaesque humor.

25. What did you want and get?
Friends, Love, Fun

26. What's one thing you wish had happened this year?
That someone had picked up my first book.

27. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I got way too drunk several times and made people deal with stupid bullshit.

28. How much money did you spend this year?
Is there any answer but "too much?"

29. Where did most of your money go?
rent, booze, fun, clothes, food, tattoos

30. What was the best thing you bought?
Nice boots.

31. What was your most embarrassing moment of the year?
Realizing that my dreams weren't coming true yet.

32. If you could go back in time to any moment of this year, what would it be?
One of the best times of my life was last winter when I barely had to work and had just met all my friends and realized I was in love with an awesome guy and had representation for my novel and was doing for the first time in my life everything I wanted. I really cannot think of a time I was overall happier.

33. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Things happening with writing, all my new friends and my boyfriend. Visiting my family and going to Cape Cod. Lots of other little things.

35. Compared to this time last year, are you...

-happier or sadder? unfortunately, I guess sadder

-thinner or fatter? Hard to say. I guess thinner but I also have a lot more muscle. I'm definitely "fitter." (Yoga!)

-richer or poorer? Poorer

36. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Played more guitar. I'd say written more but I always think I should write more.

37. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cry. Feel sorry for myself. Waste time on the internet.

38. How will you be spending New Years?
Dave and Mike are DJing a party in South Boston.

39. Did you fall in love this year?
Thereabouts.

40. How many one-night stands?
None. I'm antipoly. I had a few one-night stands with bottles, though. Take that how you will.

41. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 26, and a bunch of us went to Deep Ellum and then sang karaoke at DoReMi. It was rockin.

42. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing more of my brother. Having roommates who cleaned up once in a while.

43. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
It's hilarious that people exist who find me attractive.

44. What kept you sane?
My friends. Derek. My long distance family. Whiskey. Excercise and yoga. Quentin Tarentino movies. Cupcakes and ice cream and egg and cheese sandwiches and Burdick's hot chocolate and homemade pizza and Ritter bars and anything Alana or Mandy made.

45. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I probably thought the most about Barack Obama and David Foster Wallace. Some musicians, too. Got really into Tom Waits. Jack White is always there. And of course, Naked Scarlett Johansson. For some reason, though, I kind of wish the answer to this was Tyra Banks.

46. Who was the best new person you met?
Tara, Greg, Constantine, Stephanie (Jen? Amanda? I forget when I met them)


47. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
People really will steal stuff that actually belongs to you.

48. What are your plans for the next year?
Find a way to support myself that doesn't make me want to sever veins. Keep on with the art stuff.

49. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I'm dyin for some action. I'm sick of sittin round here tryin'a write this book." (Springsteen)

Of Beards and Brides

Caleb's Beard Party Website is up. Tony, Derek, and I are featured in the images!

My Friday night flight was cancelled, so I got two extra days in Indiana and got to go to my best friend from high school Amber's wedding shower, give her inappropriate lingerie in front of her family, make them ObamaPomatinis, and sit next to an eighty-year-old former nudist named Bonnie in a red fur-brimmed hat. It's so completely not hip or scene how excited I am that I get to be a bridesmaid, but hey, what can you do.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Fake Empire

My flight got canceled and I was all alone in Indiana, so I decided to figure out Garage Band. This is my "version" of Fake Empire by the National.

PS. I know I'm not a musician, but it's fun to pretend.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

After an all-day adventure getting out of snowy Boston, I made it back to Indy in one piece. My brother is here. This makes me happy. That is all.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

buy my shit

I never like to post more than 1X per day, but by the way...

You can now buy my Art Saves v2.0 and Ladies Room Limerick stickers at Horror Business in Allston. May be easier than running after me as I drunkenly lurch away after a poetry reading, plus you can pick up a hot dress or some local music at the same time.

Here's what they look like:


Written by me, designed by Caleb Cole.
One of the modeling sites I'm a member of gave me a free subscription to Elle. I leafed through while taking a break from wrapping presents last night, and realized when I put it down I suddenly felt fat and hideous. I'm so self critical and self conscious, this is one reason why I've eschewed anything media-image-oriented in the past few years, going so far as to get rid of my TV, not reading ads, and even avoiding living with mirrors. When photographers send me pics of myself, my first reaction is usually, "Oh god, I look fucking awful!" no matter what.

I need to find a job where I'm not focused on how I look. I have a ton more confidence regarding my mental abilities than my physical appearance.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Researching presses where I might have Backstage at the Caribou sent, I came across this story of one of my favorite novels in high school, Youth in Revolt. There's hope for me yet!

PS. If anyone has any ideas of quirky cool presses I might submit to, please, let me know. Think smaller than Bantam but bigger than a small press.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I saw The Slutcracker this weekend. I saw so many people I know there. Leyna was in it, unbeknownst to me, so I got to see Caleb, and most of my girls were there. It was very well done. Classic burlesque. Instead of a little girl getting a nutcracker, an older girl gets a dildo, which grows to unusual size, comes to life, and takes her on a magical journey. The second act's cultural ballet scenes were different stripteases (Russians were in bondage gear with whips, the Arabians did belly dancing with veils, and the Sugar Plum Fairy was a pole dancer). I really couldn't believe no one had ever thought of this before.

It must have been so fun, especially for the people who had formal ballet training, to parody the Nutcracker. I know Tschaikovsky hated its success, since he wrote pretty much solely as a moneymaker. The actress who was Clara obviously had danced as a ballerina, she was even on point, and her over-the top "acting" was dead on.

I have the utmost respect for Sugar Dish, the director and head of Babes in Boinkland. I bet she's a blast to hang out with.

I'm doing very well on Christmas presents this year. One of my favorites is my dad's. I downloaded Moby Dick on tape and burned it all on CD (26 CDs total), and I'm going to give it all to him on a spindle so he can listen to it on his way to and from work. I've been listening to it in the car and at the gym, so when he's done, we're going to talk about it. He'll like that.

I love giving people presents. I'm quite excited about what I got DJGW, and what I got my mom and sister-in-law. I've even managed to get my close friends here small somethings.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Jade's 100% Superficial Guide to Human Psychology

How does the Modern Girl, rife with lingering existential dilemma, homesickness, feelings of failure, occupational strife, and near-perpetual clinically depressive woe cultivate a sense of groundedness?
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She gets in touch with her roots, of course.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Tree Trimmings and Ink

This weekend I accidentally slipped into Old School Jade briefly. Sunday night at a tree trimming party of all things at Simone's surrounded by beautiful blown glass and beans and rice for dinner. The last thing I remember is sitting on the couch with Oz and April with a bottle of Knob Creek between my legs. Next thing I know I'm waking up in DJGW's bed with a fucking wicked headache. Apparently I ate desert and don't even remember, then went into the other room and passed out on the couch. I guess when he came in to wake me, I was crying a lot over something I don't remember and can't figure out.

I've been good lately, but I feel like this was a slip-up. It always sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

My tattoo is finished (well, except for the toes). Pictures soon. Now I need to decide which of the "on deck" ones comes next. I'm trying to limit myself to one a year so I don't end up like The Painted Lady or something.

The choices are:

1. Start on the other upper arm, a Thoth with hieroglyphics in the back (This will be a long and expensive project, one I probably can't swing this year.)

2. The words "Madame Psychosis" in honor of Infinite Jest and DFWRIP, all swirly and stylized on my upper back. (This is the direction I'm leaning, since I finished Infinite Jest this year and DFWRIP demapped himself this year as well.)

3. My dinosaur skeleton, which might go on the back of my calf, not sure yet, and needs some research and some planning.

Discuss, if you have any opinions on the matter.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hit Me

I read a Rolling Stone article about Britney Spears's "comeback," the other day. She's clean, coming out with a new album, but has also been declared incompetent by her father and had all legal rights as an adult revoked. Her dad has to sign for her to do anything. She can't hire her own lawyer because kids can't hire lawyers, and the only option she has of fighting this is to take a state-appointed lawyer who would cost her $10,000/week. The interviewer writing the article (the COMEBACK article for ROLLING STONE MAGAZINE, you'd think they'd want to tone down the creepiness of this by some degree) was never allowed to be alone with Britney, and had to run every question by her dad, Jamie, who shot down intrusive and revealing questions such as "What do you think about the election?" and warned the reporter before hand to "take care of [his] little girl."

And the article mostly glosses all of this over and talks about her album and her Gawd, y'alls! What?

The so-far-most-convincing-candidate for Emblem of Our Generation is arrested in all her teen-queen glory. Frozen developmentally, behaviorally, and now legally back there with those pigtails, slapping lockers in belly shirts. Not as cute at 27, especially with those glassy eyes and evident weave.

It's sad, but I bet she'll go out like Marilyn. America eats its idols and drains the marrow and blood from its gods. No wonder all our great artists kill themselves.