Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Got off the phone with my agent crying. Worse than the worse-case scenerios I prepared myself for before her call, she will not represent this book. Not only that, she basically said it is worthless. That it is concerning that I think this one is better than my first one. That I have regressed, that my first one (which no on wanted to publish) was the work of a real writer and this one is the work of a student. She said, literally, that I should put it in my drawer an forget about it.

She said lots of things about specifics that I don't agree with, but she also covered her ass and said that my friends would love it, but only they would love it, and she couldn't even think of a publisher to send it to. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, because even though she's only one opinion, she's a very important one.

What do I do now? When the fuck is enough enough. I need to find something else to do with my life. Something else to make it okay to breathe. I don't know if I can take this anymore.


Kayleigh said...

wtf? Time for a new agent perhaps? That sounds completely demoralizing, but please don't throw in the towel yet. You do already have a following of random strangers on the internet and we're looking forward to reading your books.

Chad Parenteau said...

When I took a class with Dewitt Henry, the co-founder of Ploughshares, he used to talk about his first novel, written back in the '70s I think, which he said was the best unpublished novel out there (note: he wasn't bitter. I think it was just on his mind because he was working on a memoir about being a writer and editor).

That was 1996, and as near as I can tell, the novel was only ever published as an excerpt in the first issue of Ploughshares, which he was editor of. His first novel only came out in 2000, decades after being in the business as an editor and published author.

After hearing what you did this week, it's likely that for a while, very little of what anyone says to in solace will matter. Still, you have so much going for you, it's disheartening to read about your despair. The fact that you're writing about it is at least one positive.

Another, of course, is that you have two books under your belt, going on a third. Something that many a Stephen King wannabe who has more false starts and excuses than dreams will ever be able to say.

I hope you feel better and find something that will revitalize you.