Thursday, July 10, 2008

crazy how old Hurt resurfaces

Jade: I didn't have any friends growing up for long long periods of time. I couldn't get a date to save my life. Boys did nothing but tease me, call me freak or ugly or dyke. It was a joke that anyone would ever date me. No one kissed me till I was 18, and then it was just cause it was my birthday and I asked him. I spent every weekend at home reading or drawing and I'd cry because I was so lonely, and I really never thought anyone would ever love me. Really. I know it sounds crazy and childish, but I honestly believed that. I couldn't talk to my parents because they'd get mad when I was unhappy. I just thought of it this morning and started crying. I think it's something I've never addressed. I really feel totally unlovable, and I need to figure out how to get over it.

Lady: I have much sadness left over from my past and I totally understand how it is when people act angry with you when you're sad, even if it you can't help it. Suck. I feel like I'll have to fight myself forever, but we're not the only people like that and I feel like, as much as it often sucks, it is the same thing that allows me to take such interest in the world and to see, feel, and appreciate beauty.

Jade: That's true. Thank you. That's just what I needed to hear. It's true. I probably wouldn't be a writer if I didn't grow up like that. I guess it's worth it, in the end. Someone has to take on all these responsibilities of really meaning this human being thing.

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