The best Christmas presents are:
Habanero mango hot sauce
Smelly oils and Swiss creams
1) Fifteen year old boys are easy to impress. It just takes breasts and a few simple guitar chords. Driving back from Connecticut we oooo with Bono and sing of love turning to rust.
2) At Simone's house Sam and I get in a screaming fight with Tom Daley about Lord of the Rings. Some kid named Robert makes various homosexual accusations and I challenge him to a duel. Brian backs me up. "Elves and Dwarves can't do that! That's like putting a square peg in a round hole!" Sam and I dig through Simone's curry and pick out all the chicken. We talk with our mouths full about the elusive green wizards. Finally to settle some dispute, Sam pulls out Sindarin etymology, and the conversation ends.
3) Walking back from the salon in Quincy, Derek and I see Alana and Tony in O'Brien's. They wave and come out. "We have beer," Derek says. "Come over." Everyone comes. We drink beer and whiskey. Talk about Alana's show and red dresses. Tony tries to teach me how to blow smoke rings, but those damned American Spirits produce smoke too thin.
4) For a week blood is running from a place where blood should not run. I decide I have cancer. I will fight, I say. I still will not die until I write the Great American Novel. Then the blood stops and I have years left still.
5) Jeff's friend says she likes my taste in furniture. I say I didn't choose anything I own, I just inherited it from dead people. It's fate that has the taste, not me.